It's been over a year since I graduated from college and moved to the yuppie paradise known as Northern Virginia, and I'm closing in on the one-year mark since starting my job. Over the past year, I've been learning a lot about myself and how life experiences have shaped and changed me. I've learned how to deal with a lot of stress, adapt to sudden changes, make my way around in the world, and do all sorts of grown-up things, all while trying to find the happy medium between who I've always been and who I became in college.
Last night I noticed an interesting change in my personality: I am suddenly okay with solitude. As those who know me well can attest, I am a person who enjoys constant social contact. Growing up as an only child, I had plenty of time to myself, which manifested a natural joy when I had the chance to spend time around people. Two summers ago while in DC, I had a lonely weekend and felt kind of depressed. At that point in my life, I was used to constantly being around people, whether it be my family, roommates, or friends. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself, and I was left alone with my thoughts, feeling quite alone wandering around the big city I was just getting to know. However, last night my roommate was gone for the night, and I was perfectly content just curling up and catching up on my TV shows, completely alone. Not only was I content, but part of me actually craved it, which blindsided me. What made the difference between two summers ago and now? Maybe it's because my network of friends in the DC area is larger than it was back then, and the abundance of time spent with friends in the past week made me more at peace with being alone. Maybe it was the fact that I had wanted to be busy, but found myself with no one to hang out with and nothing to do. Or perhaps some of the nights I spent alone in my hotel room in Ohio taught me that being by myself isn't so bad after all, that it can actually be kind of therapeutic. Probably a combination of everything. Who knows.
I've learned a lot about God's faithfulness in each season of my life, whether it's what I think I want at the time or not. In my travels to Ohio, I questioned God all the time: "Why in the world did you bring me to this place?!" But He pulled through by allowing me to learn a lot from my experience and meet some great people in the process. Reflection on the season of singleness has also been a theme in this new stage of life. Coming from the culture of my campus ministry in college, there was a subtle, unspoken standard that to find your soulmate in college and get married shortly after graduation was the most desirable situation. However, I've realized that if I had followed that path, I would have missed out on the valuable lessons I've learned as a single person. I've gained so much from living independently, and having this time after college to discover more about who I am without having to lean on someone else. That's not to say that I don't still desire that companionship, because I certainly do. Nor am I implying that those who followed such a path are missing out on discovering who they are, since you can certainly learn a lot about yourself by living with someone else. I've simply come to the conclusion that every circumstance, every season, has come together for my ultimate good, and I have transformed into a much more self-assured person. I know in my heart that God has orchestrated everything, and yet sometimes I don't even see it until I reflect on all that has happened and think, "There is no way I did that all on my own." As I enter this new season, I would like to be able to acknowledge God's presence in my life more, whether it be through more consistent prayer or other forms of devotion. This area of my life has slipped a little as I have been wrapped up in my own journey of self-discovery, and I want to be more consistent.
I've always been able to readily accept change and take each new step of life as it comes, rarely longing for times past. I should expect that this next step will be no different.
